Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
