I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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