either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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