Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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