dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
