Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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