You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
