So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
