Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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