i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
