one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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