I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She told me I should be a condom model.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
