my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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