When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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