I bet he comes in French.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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