i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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