If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
