ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
