I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
