So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
