PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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