remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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