I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
