he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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