we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
