You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
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