Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
