what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
