we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.