Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
