All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle