Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
420 ftw
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
