he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
