i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
