Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.