you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.