Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...