So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid