I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
