She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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