things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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