I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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