the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
