At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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