If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
