Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
