you didnt know i had herpes?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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