let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
