Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
