i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
