i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love having hate sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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