she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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