this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
