They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
