Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
