so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm too high and old for this...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
