she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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