you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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