my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You are a genius and a whore.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
