she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im six kinds of drunk right now
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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