there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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