Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
