it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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