I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
