There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
