you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
