just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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