Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
