Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
