Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
