I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
