Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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