What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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