apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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