The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
