you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
