Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
