ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
