I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize