I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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