Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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