hotel room ftw
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
